I was going to write a post today about teeth whitening.
I got up, grabbed myself a cup of coffee, pushed away the manuscript I had spent last night editing, and then it happened.
My damn ovaries took over.
I'm talking about the syndrome known as: baby rabies (the Latin term is, I believe, babius rabius).
Trying to explain to someone the sensation, when that person has never experienced baby rabies before, is extremely difficult, and bordering on impossible. However, after the mind-numbing work yesterday of checking and rechecking en dash and em dash length, sentence structure, and minute grammar imperfections, my brain is up for something different. And so, I shall try.
It's kind of like a deep hunger-- a mania, too. It's constantly on my mind, like men with sex-- I don't think I go more than three minutes without a passing though that has to do with babies. Seeing pictures of babies only fuels the flame. It doesn't hit me every month, but it does most months. Sometimes, I only have baby rabies for a few days. Other times, it's lasted a few weeks. The longest one I've experienced (which has been in the past year) was two months long. That's a long, long time to be obsessed about babies.
When people talk about the biological clock, I've seen others roll their eyes-- mainly men. I think they just don't understand. Maybe if we say, "You know how when the game is on, you have an undeniable urge to have a beer and chips? It just kind of happens? It's kind of like that"-- which, of course, is a crude, under-statement of the pull, but maybe it'd help them gain a little perspective.
(I know I just gender-stereotyped so hard in that last paragraph, forgive me- My ovaries are writing this post, not me, and I don't think they're very PC)
But, continuing on with my gender-stereotypical analogy, when we get baby rabies, we just want babies. And, much like how the need for beer and chips comes with a game that is on once a week or month or however often those sports teams play (ovaries don't care much for organized sports, dontcha know...), my baby rabies follow a pattern, too. It normally occurs right before my period.
This isn't something I've developed just since I've become engaged, either. I'd had the gentle pullings of pre-baby rabies for a long time, probably beginning when I was around 15 or so. I knew I wanted to be a mom, and have babies, but the rabies then were much kinder. Instead of the burning desire to have a kid, I just wanted to be near a kid, or hold a kid.
I'm not quite sure when it turned into full-blown baby rabies, but once it did, there was no going back-- and now that I'm engaged, it's about ten times worse: because now, it's actually an option.
I'm not saying that Mikey and I are actually trying for babies right now, or plan to in the next few months, but if we did get pregnant now, it wouldn't be the end of the world. We'd be married by the time the baby came, Mikey's well on his way to a fireman position, and I'll have graduated by then, too. I'm not saying that there wouldn't be a lot of rough obstacles to overcome. I know that-- but my ovaries kind of brush those worries aside during my bought of baby rabies. It fades away harsh realities and fills up that space with the idea of soft, fuzzy baby blankets, and lullabies and pacifiers.
I thought I was developing baby rabies last night, but I knew for sure when I woke up this morning and realized I had, last night, had an extremely realistic dream about taking a pregnancy test. I even remember watching the little 'plus' form on the stick, and I remember counting- it took less than fifteen seconds to develop to a full plus. I showed dream Mikey the stick, and he said, "Are you sure? This part of it looks a little pale," pointing to the very left side of the plus. "I'm sure," I said. We smiled. We hugged. We kissed.
I woke up.
I know our plan is to wait until we're married, then (when I'm under his insurance) we will go, and have a TTC (trying to conceive) visit with our doctor, get on prenatal vitamins, and attempt to wait at least one year before we start trying.
However, if my ovaries are successful in their evil plotting, I won't make it that long.
There are ways to combat baby rabies, by the way.
I read stories about epidurals (I HATE needles), the pains of giving birth, the costs, all the bodily fluids I didn't even know I had, etc- and that helps. Also, a good night out on the town, along with the mental reminder that once I have a kid, nights like these will be few and far between, help. I try to subdue the rabies, so that I can go on and keep living my everyday life, without staring at onesies on-line for half an hour (done that) or spent countless hours searching out adorable baby room themes (definitely done that)-- but it's still hard.
So yeah, my ovaries got me hurtin' bad for a baby today. I'm going to try to redirect with doing wedding things, like looking up alternative invites (I think I've picked ours out, but I like to shop around) or re-writing our guest list.
I just have a feeling I'm going to fail today.
Damn you, ovaries!
Anyone else have a bad case of baby rabies?